What Happens To Children That Die?

Alice was a faithful Christian, devoted to God and her church, but when her fourteen year old daughter, Joanie, was killed in a car accident, all she could do was ask, “Why, Why? Why did this happen? Why did God do this?”

Her pastor arrived at the home and seemed threatened by her questions. “God id not to be questioned,” he told her. “His ways are not our ways. Your questions show that your faith is week.” The family was told not to cry, but to be happy because Joanie was with Jesus in heaven. At the funeral the pastor gave an invitation, and some of Joanie’s friends came to faith, and the pastor reasoned that those conversions were the “reason” for Joanie’s death. But the family had a hard time understanding why God had to work that way in order to save lost people.

In the months that followed, Alice’s Christian friends encouraged her to “be happy,” and to help encourage the new Christians who trusted in Jesus at the funeral. Whenever she wanted to talk about her pain, Alice’s friends told her to “turn it over to Jesus,” and not talk about it.[i]

Over the course of a ministry, a pastor gets a lot of interesting calls. I’ve been called at 2:00 in the morning to rescue cats from a house; at midnight to rush to the side of a potential suicide or from the school district to come and be present with students after the death of a classmate. But I doubt that any call is more challenging than the death of a child.

The promise of new life is so exciting, and from the moment a young couple discover that they are going to be parents they are filled with a mix of emotions – anxiety about the health of the baby, concerns over their own fitness as parents, joy at the promise of a new life, the thrill of baby showers, telling the new grandparents, hopes for the future.

When that future hope is crushed, the pain is nearly overwhelming. Whether the child was lost prior to birth shortly after, as a toddler or as a teen-ager, the ache in the heart of mom and dad is perhaps the greatest ever known in the human existence. President John Kennedy, after the death of his three day old son Patrick in August or 1963, expressed to a friend, “God should have had one more commandment: ‘Thou shalt not outlive thy children’.” He didn’t say it out of irreverence, but because the grief was so excruciating. Sadly, his own mother lived to see the death of many of her own sons, daughters and grandchildren. I have seen it reflected in the tears of my own mother at the loss of her middle child, my brother Ed, who was just 11 months younger than I.

The death of a child shakes us to the very core of our being. In the biblical story of Job, the wealthiest and most powerful man of his day, we see it. He was informed by a servant that his crop farms had been destroyed by invaders, followed by a second servant who told of the destruction of his herds by fire from heaven, and yet a third servant rushed in to tell him of the loss of his commercial trade fleet. He was wiped out of business in a single afternoon! Yet it was the news from the next servant that drove him to his knees – “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead.” The next verse tells us that, “Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head, and fell to the ground…” Job’s grief was debilitating – complete.

If you are familiar with Job’s story, you know that the loss created friction between he and his wife, as well, and that is very common. Studies have shown that 90% of couples who lose a child experience marital difficulties or failure within a few months of the loss. It’s possible that the loss revealed problems that already existed, or simply created new strain, but it takes a toll. It is, without question, one of the most difficult circumstances we face in life. It leaves us with questions that are un-answerable. Questions that begin with the word, “Why?” “Why did this happen?” “Why is God doing this?” “Why did God allow this?” “Why couldn’t I prevent it?” Over and again we ask the questions to which there are no answers.

When I asked you to pick the topics for this summer’s messages, none of them were easy. It may be that this one is the most difficult. Because just as there are no answers to the “Why” questions regarding the death of a child, there really isn’t any clear answer to the question we look at this morning – “What happens to that child who dies?” I must tell you quite frankly that there is no absolute clear teaching on this issue.

In fact, I can actually only tell you two things that I know are certain. The first is that, contrary to popular belief, when a baby dies, it does not become an angel. That idea grows out of the mistaken idea that when any person dies and goes to heaven they become an angel, which is not true. They don’t become angels, and they don’t get to come back and play baseball in Iowa, or come and help other humans who need assistance.

Angels are created beings – a different race from humans. They are created as angels, and remain angels. God created them as His servants and messengers. We are created as human beings, and we remain such – but here’s the best news – when a human being is welcomed into heaven they are not an angel – they are something far greater! Jesus said in John 15:15,

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

The Bible tells us that “As many as received Him, who believed on His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”

When a human being is welcomed in to heaven, he is welcomed not as a servant, and not as an angel, but as a child of God. Paul tells us in Ephesians that we are “no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household.” We are part of the family of God in heaven! The angels marvel at it! They celebrate the wonder and the amazing grace of God that in His love He takes humans and makes them His own children. So I can tell you with certainty that a baby that dies does not become an angel. If they go to heaven they become much, much more.

You may have noticed that I just said, “If they go to heaven…” The second thing I can tell you with certainty is that there is a lot of disagreement about the eternal destination of a child who dies. Of course, we all want to believe that a child that dies is ushered into the presence of God, and we have all sorts of images and words that we cite to back up that belief. We will look at those verses in a moment – but I think it is important for me to let you know that there are a lot of Bible teachers who do not believe that every child goes to heaven, and I think you should know what they believe.

The Bible states clearly that there is no way into heaven other than through faith in Jesus Christ. Acts 4:12 says, “There is no other name, under heaven, given among men, by which we must be saved.” Jesus Himself said that He was, “The way, the truth and they life, no one comes to the Father accept through [Him].” The Bible also makes it clear that all have sinned and come short of God’s glory, and David states that our sinful stand before God is already set even from conception. He writes in Psalms 51:1 “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” In Romans 5:12, Paul writes, “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, [Adam], and death through sin, in this way death came to all people, because all have sinned.”

Since all children are born in sin, and since sin-filled people cannot enter the kingdom of God, then children are not automatically brought to heaven upon death. There are a variety of theories from there – which we are not going to explore – but one is most common. You might remember a couple of weeks ago we talked about Calvinism in regard to eternal security. Calvinism believes that God chooses all who will be saved – and that he likewise chooses those who will not be saved. Calvinists simply apply this belief to babies as well. If the baby was “elected” by God for heaven, then the child goes to heaven, if they were not selected, they do not go to heaven. God is God and He gets to choose - end of discussion. They would argue that if all children are innocent and go to heaven, all of us would have been better off if we had died before we became guilty of our sins.

I can see on some of your faces, and imagine that for some of you this is disturbing stuff. I’m not saying that I agree with this theological thought – but I think that as we discuss the topic, you need to be aware that this line of reasoning exists – and that it is not as cut and dry as you may have thought when you came in this morning.

Those who take the other side of the argument have to deal with the Scriptures already cited. The Bible does make it clear that all have sinned, and David does indeed state that he was sinful from birth. So are they right? Does God simply condemn children who die to an eternity of punishment and hopelessness? If not, what’s the alternative?

I’d present several passages of Scripture for your consideration. First, while the status of infants, children, and really anyone who never reach a point of moral competence who die is not clearly laid out in Scripture, it appears that Jesus did not regard them as basically sinful or guilty. In fact he held them up as an example of the type of person who will inherit the kingdom of God. In Matthew’s gospel there are two examples of this: chapter 18, verse 3, and chapter 19, verse 14. Jesus says, “whoever humbles himself as a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven,” and “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”[ii]

A second passage of Scripture that I am drawn to is founding 2 Samuel chapter 12. In that passage, King David and his wife Bathsheeba are expecting a child, and the child is gravely ill.

David responded to this by grieving, mourning, and praying for the child. The child died, however, and David's mourning ended. David's servants were surprised to see it. They said to King David, "What is this thing that you have done? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food." David's response was, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.’ But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me." David's response can be seen as an argument that those who cannot believe are safe in the Lord. David said that he could go to the child, but that he could not bring the child back to him. Also, and just as important, David seemed to be comforted over this. In other words, David seemed to be saying that he would once again see the child (in heaven), though he could not bring him back. Based on those two passages I find it difficult to say that God thinks of a child as sinful, condemned and lost.

With the above in mind, also consider the following: Christ's death is presented as sufficient for all of mankind. First John 2:2 says Jesus "is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world." This verse is clear that Jesus' death was sufficient for all sins, not just the sins of those who specifically have come to Him in faith. The fact that Christ's death was sufficient for all sin would allow the possibility of God applying that payment to those who were never capable of believing. That does not mean that anyone who has not had a chance to hear is held blameless – Paul makes it clear in Romans chapter 1 that God has made it plain to them through nature and other means that He is there, and they have refused Him – but a child, or a person who is incapable of understanding, has never had that truth of God made clear to them.

Though the Bible leaves open the possibility, the one problem with saying that God applies Christ's payment for sin to those who can't believe is that the Bible does not specifically say that He does. Therefore, this is a topic that we should not be adamant or dogmatic about. I refuse to present my belief as absolutely true, when there is no black and white indisputable evidence in either camp.

I said earlier that there were only two things that I could say with certainty – that children, or adults, do not become angels when they go to heaven, and secondly, that there is no absolute answer to the question. There is actually, one more thing that I know with certain - we can be completely certain that God ALWAYS does what is right. On this side of eternity, as human beings, we are not able to understand or comprehend the answer to this question – but when we die, and are brought into the presence of God as members of His family – we will understand – and it will be completely just and fair. God is loving, holy, merciful, just and gracious. Whatever He does, it is ALWAYS Right.

There is one other certainty that I must point out. It has been a sidebar issue during our discussion today, and that is this – your position in heaven is not assured outside of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You have heard the truth – I have laid it out here this morning – you are guilty of sin, and are separated from God by that sin. There is nothing you can do to earn a place in heaven – it is impossible for us to reach God on our own. But God loves you so much that he reached out to you. Jesus died so that you can live. He shed His sinless blood so that you could be forgiven. If you have not asked Jesus to forgive you, and cleanse you from that sin, YOU will not be in heaven – regardless of how this issue plays out! We may never be able to state with certainty every issue that arises in our discussions about the eternal God of the Universe – but this we know for certain – If you place your faith in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for you, and trust Him for forgiveness from sin, you will be in heaven, as a child of God, and spend eternity in His glorious presence.

[i] Warren W. Wiersbe & David W. Wiersbe. Comforting the Bereaved. 1985 Moody Press, Chicago, pg. 3.

[ii] Millard J. Erickson. Christian Theology. Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, MI 1985 page 637-638.