A Man And Friendship

Introduce yourselves to the other people around your table. You will be working together on a project in a few minutes, so at least share your names with each other!

Recently Hollywood released a film called “The Aviator”. Does anyone know who that movie was about? That’s right Howard Hughes. When he died, Hughes was one of the wealthiest men who ever lived - worth approximately 2.5 BILLION dollars. He owned a private fleet of jets, hotels and casinos. He had everything a man could possibly desire… except close friends or relatives who knew him and cared about him.

Over the course of his life, Hughes had become convinced that everyone was after his money, that vast conspiracies existed to destroy him, and he lived much of his life in increasing seclusion. When his nearest relative, a distant cousin was asked to identify his body, he responded, “Is this Mr. Hughes?” The FBI had to use fingerprints to identify him because no one had seen him that could legally do so.

When he died, not a single acquaintance or relative mourned his death. But over 400 people showed up claiming to be his heir. Eventually his estate was divided between 22 cousins. Though he had been instrumental in film, aviation politics and defense contracts and innovation, the only honor he received was a moment of silence in his Las Vegas casinos. Time magazine put it this way:

“Howard Hughes’ death was commemorated in Las Vegas by a minute of silence. Casinos fell silent. Housewives stood uncomfortable clutching their paper cups full of coins at the slot machines, the blackjack games paused, and at the crap tables the stickmen cradled his dice in the crook of their wooden wands. Then a pit boss looked at his watch, leaned forward and whispered: “O.K., roll the dice. He’s had his minute.” [i]

Such is the sad life of a lonely, secluded, friendless man. But that pattern – lonely, secluded and friendless – is a growing reality in the lives of almost every person in our society – and especially among our men. In these days we are asking the question, “Do you have what it takes to be God’s man?” We have looked at a number of characteristics that are critical to being the man God has called us to be – issues of moral character, a vital spiritual life and in these recent days, strong relationships. We’ve focused on our relationship with our wives, and last week with our children – today take that discussion another step as we talk about developing meaningful friendships. I believe it is a Biblical axiom that in order to be the men that God intends us to be, we must have strong, deep, meaningful friendships.

Such friendships are perhaps the most rare of all relationships, and they grow more infrequent with each passing year. The busy-ness of life denies us the kind of relationships that we need. Some rare exceptions can be found. In the military, for example, the necessity of deep personal relationships is understood and is a vital part of the culture. Through the course of Basic Training and ongoing unit skill development, a high emphasis is placed on camaraderie. When I talk to Tom Cummings, or Dan Hilleman, or the other men and women from our church who have gone through military training, they all tell me that by the time they get to their station, they are literally ready to die for their brothers – they would risk their own lives to save their buddy’s. And those friendships, they tell me, last a lifetime. There may not be the phone calls and letters on a regular basis, but there is a bond between those men that is rare indeed.

It is just that type of friendship that we all need as soldiers in the army of Christ. The Bible makes it crystal clear that we are involved in a spiritual war, and we need “battle buddies” to keep us sharp, spur us on, and come to our aid when we are down.[ii]

One of the great stories which causes me to yearn for meaningful relationships with others is the story of Jonathan’s friendship with David. There is every reason in the world why the two should not have been friends. Jonathan was royalty, a son of the king who would inherit the throne when his father passed on.

He was the handsome prince – brave and strong. In I Samuel 14:1-23, we find an account of Jonathon attacking an outpost of Philistine warriors. He alone, with just his armor bearer, fought them hand to hand, and in a matter of moments he had killed 20 men in a half acre battlefield. Jonathon’s words just prior to that battle give us some insight into his heart. He said, “Let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

Jonathon knew that with God on his side, 2 against 20 were odds in his favor. There’s a brave man – he would have gotten the Congressional Medal of Honor for that kind of bravery today – taking on an enemy outpost and defeating them against overwhelming odds. His actions brought panic on the entire Philistine army, and they ran from the field of battle.

David was a shepherd boy, destined to herd sheep all of his life. He was not part of the army of Israel, but his older brothers were, and in a strange turn of events David and Jonathan come together. Let me share with you what took place.

One day the Israelites were being taunted by a huge Philistine name Goliath. The problem was that none of the Israelites were brave enough to confront Goliath. David had three brothers who were in the army, waiting for the courage to confront the giant when Jesse sent David to give them food.

When David arrived and heard Goliath taunting the people of God and mocking the Lord he was enraged. David said, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" (1 Samuel 17:26) Do those words sound like the words of Jonathon when he was preparing to attack the Philistine outpost? Sure they do! Long story short, David kills Goliath and the people of Israel go crazy for David.

When David returned from the battlefield, Saul asked who he was. As soon as David finishes speaking, we read in 1 Samuel 18:1-4

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. {2} From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. {3} And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. {4} Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

Jonathon had found a “battle buddy.” He knew that he and David had a heart for God, and he knew that he needed that kind of a friend. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Jonathon and David found in each other the kind of friendship that would allow them both to grow into the men God wanted them to be.

But their friendship was a constant struggle. Not because they didn’t love one another, but it was a struggle because Jonathan’s father, Saul, was constantly trying to kill his friend David. Saul was sure that David was after his throne, and he was convinced that David would take the throne from Jonathon. That put Jonathan in a bad situation. Can you imagine the tension that Jonathan lived with? He’s got a best friend who is a Godly person, who loves the Lord, but his father wants to kill him! On the one hand, God had given Jonathan a friend. A brother who felt at one with, a brother who shared his heart. On the other hand, he had the potential to be King of Israel some day if he played his cards right. If he didn’t get caught up in the wrong crowd and disappoint old dad. David really had nothing to lose, but Jonathan had everything to lose. Jonathan was in a tough spot.

There was nothing easy about their friendship – it was not a friendship of convenience. David was constantly on the run – Jonathon was being verbally and even physically attacked at home. But they developed a friendship that is an example to us all.

On your tables there is a discussion sheet. Take 5 minutes to do the exercise on that sheet.

In each of the following passages, identify one characteristic of a godly friendship:[iii]

Jonathon willingly gave some of his most valuable possessions to David. He was willing to put his royal robe around the shoulders of a shepherd! Friends do that – they don’t hold back – they give until it hurts, but they don’t feel the pain because of the friendship. Real friends are humble, giving, unselfish and generous.

Jonathon risked his own life to defend his friend when he was being wrongly and maliciously talked about – even by his father, even by the king! Verse 4 specifically says, “David spoke well of David…” A real friend will defend and speak well of his friend. You don’t have to worry about what a friend is saying when you’re not around – they have your back.

Jonathon stayed true to David, even when David lost it. This moment in David’s life was truly one of the lowest. When Jonathon confirmed to David that the king was trying to kill him, even thought David had been a loyal subject, it was too much for him. David had a mini-breakdown! If you don’t think so, read the Psalms! David was a guy who experienced a roller coaster of emotions – he had some real crisis moments! But Jonathon was there through it all. He didn’t pat David on the back, quote a few verses and say, “now get it together and stop all this blubbering!” No, Jonathon held him, and allowed David to get it all out.

Guys, we all need someone like that in our lives. We need someone who can hear it all, with whom we can unload all our baggage, and they will still love us unconditionally. But they won’t let us stay there, either. Jonathon allowed David to pour out his emotions, then he said, “It’s going to be alright – God is with you, and He will keep you.”

When Jonathon heard that his father had gone out to Horesh, he put his own life on the line to go and be with David – and what does verse 16 say? “He helped him find strength in God.” Imagine that! Here’s a man who helped DAVID find strength in God! David is called in Scripture, “A man after God’s own heart.” And yet he needed a friend to help him find strength in God.

Paul was another man of God who needed a friend. In 2 Corinthians 7:5-7, Paul says,

For when we came to Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn – conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him.”

Guys, if David, and Paul, two of the most influential people in all of Scripture, needed to be encouraged and comforted by friends, don’t you think you need that, too? Sure you do.

So let’s close this by making it practical. How can we cultivate the kind of friendship we are talking about this morning?

It is my prayer that each of us, particularly the men in this church, will find, nurture and grow as a result of a godly friendship.

[i] Time Magazine Dec. 13, 1976