A Man And His Marriage (Mom`s Day)

"Four scholars were arguing over Bible translations. One said he preferred the King James Version because of its beauty, eloquent old English. Another said he preferred the American Standard Bible for its literalism, the way it moves the reader from passage to passage with confident feelings of accuracy from the original text. A third man preferred Moffatt because of its quaint, penetrating use of words, the turn of a phrase that captures the attention of the reader. After giving the issue further thought, the fourth scholar admitted, 'I have personally preferred my mother's translation.' When the other scholars chuckled, he responded, 'Yes, she translated it. She translated each page of the Bible into life. It is the most convincing translation I ever saw.'" (Charles Swindoll, Family Life, Multonomah Press, Portland Oregon 97266, 1988. pg. 72)

I have had the great honor of having just that sort of mother, and so have my kids. Folks, there is no higher calling, no greater ministry in all the earth than the honor of being a godly mother to the next generation. No evangelist, regardless of his fame; no preacher, regardless of the size of his congregation has a more vital and crucial role in the church than the minister of motherhood.

Mother’s Day is, in great measure, “Wife’s Day,” because it is a day when husbands honor their wives, whether they are moms or not, regardless of the age or even the presence of children. It’s a day when husbands take the family out to Sunday afternoon dinner, perhaps get a corsage or floral arrangement for their wife, or in some other way honor them. And it is long overdue in most homes!

Men, today I want to talk about giving our wives something far more valuable than a new dress, pretty flowers or a fine meal. Let’s give our wives the husbands they’ve always wanted – let’s be the husbands God wants us to be – not just on this day, but every day to come.

Ladies, I know the temptation is going to be strong to nudge your man in the ribs when some point is made today, but let me encourage you to allow the Holy Spirit to do the finger pointing, and the nudging this morning.

When the Department of the Treasury for the United States recruits and trains their officers, a major part of that training is in identifying counterfeit bills and capturing the forger. It would be nearly impossible for them to teach their agents every trick of the counterfeit business, and even if they could, the criminals come up with new copies of the bills as quickly as they can teach their agents how to spot them – so how do they train their agents to spot a bogus bill?

The agents study authentic bills. They study the ink, they study the feel of the paper, they become familiar with every tiny line of the engraving. They look at brand new bills off the press, they look at old mutilated bills – as many varieties as possible. They have them study the real thing so diligently that the agents are immediately able to spot a fake.

If we want to be able to become the husbands that our wonderful wives deserve, then we need to become familiar with the original standard – the description of a husband from the source – God Himself. He gives us a great portrait of a good husband at the end of the fifth chapter of Ephesians. If we study this image, we will be able to see how we measure up against it.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.[i]

As I look at this portrait of a genuine Godly husband, a number of distinguishing features emerge.

Before we look at the portrait itself however, let’s check out the frame. The framework that is found in this portrait is constructed of a phrase that is found twice in this paragraph – “just as Christ.” This framework holds together everything we see in this portrait – we are to be husbands in the image and pattern of Jesus Christ Himself. Everything else has to be within that boundary. The popular phrase, “What would Jesus do?” has particular application to any discussion about being a godly husband.

Once we have that framework in place, we are able to begin to look at the portrait itself. The most prominent feature of a godly husband is a word that is repeated five times in this one descriptive paragraph – that characteristic is love. If you take a moment to slip back a few pages in your Bibles to Paul’s letter to the Colossians, you will find a tiny thumbnail of this same portrait. It reads, in chapter 3, verses 18&21:

18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

In our text, from Ephesians, the same statement is made, and is followed by a paragraph that serves to describe the love that God calls us to have for our wives. The ancient Greek language has three different words for our English word ‘love’ and each of those Greek words has a different emphasis of meaning. There is the word PHILEO – which means to have an affection for, to be tenderly disposed towards someone. Then there is the word EROS, from which we get our word “erotic” and that was the word that the Greeks used for sexual desire and passion that expressed itself in a physical way. The third word, which is the word Paul uses here is the word AGAPEO, which has been defined as having “a desire for the well-being and supreme good of another that leads to one actively pursuing that goal, even at a cost to themselves.”

That is what Paul has in mind when he says ‘Husbands love your wives.’ The husband is to desire the well-being and supreme good of his wife. But having a desire for such a goal in and of itself isn’t enough, the desire alone isn’t ‘love’ it isn’t AGAPEO. That desire must be translated into action as he, regardless of the personal cost involved, actively pursues the accomplishment of that goal. This then is the nature of the husband’s duty as Paul sets it forth in v25. There are phrases throughout this paragraph that give us examples of that love. Let’s see how this love is described:

Paul says that the love we must have is one that is, first of all, Sacrificial. Paul says that our love is to be patterned after the love of Christ, a love that drove him to “give Himself up for her.” Jesus’ love moved Him from warm feelings to sacrificial action. In Philippians 2 we read that the love of Christ caused Him to lay aside the glory of begin equal with God, and humble himself to become a man, an obedient servant, and to give His life for those He loved. Men, our love is to be a love just like His.

We must be so moved by love for our wives that we lay aside our agenda, our pride, and our demands to seek the best for them. This is not about stuff – rest assured, your prized collection of fishing lures is safe. Your wife doesn’t want your Jr. High baseball card collection, or your Archie Comic books. Paul makes it clear that the love that we need to give our wives, and the love our wives need from us is not our stuff – it is US! They desire our time, our attention. They want to know what is going on in our days, in our lives and in our minds. My wife can tell you that that kind of connection does not come naturally – and I suspect that we all know that – but that is why it is called sacrifice. Men, as we look at this part of the portrait, how do we measure up?

A second quality of a godly husband’s love is that it is a sanctifying love. The word sanctify means “to be set apart for a special purpose.” The NIV translates this, “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.”

What this means is that the goal Christ had in his love for the Church is that she would be holy. That he would sanctify her. That she would become what he she was meant to be, a radiant bride without spot or wrinkle. Although He loves his bride as she is with all her imperfections, He does not want those imperfections to remain, and so in love He works with her and brings her on towards perfection.

The principle that we as husbands can draw from this aspect of Christ’s love for his Church and apply to our love for our wives is that we ought to so love our wives and so behave ourselves towards them as to be a means under God to encourage them to holiness. We defined love earlier as the ‘desire for and pursuit after the well-being and supreme good of someone else.’ As a Christian what is the supreme good that you can seek for your wife? It is of course that she will be more and more conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.

If you truly love your wife then you will do all that you can to pursue that objective. You will strive to show her Christ in your own life. You will encourage her to take time to be alone with Christ. Time to read the scriptures and to pray. You will encourage her to attend the worship services regularly in order to feed on the Word, and enjoy fellowship with God’s people. You will encourage her to use her gifts to serve the body of Christ. That may mean that you sit with the children in order to let her go out – and you do it gladly. Men, have you ever asked yourself – “Am I helping or am I hindering my wife’s spiritual progress?”

In addition to being sacrificial and sanctifying, the godly husband has a love that is satisfying. When Paul says that a husband should love his wife as he loves his own body, he makes it very clear. That which we do for our bodies, we do for our satisfaction. When we exercise, we do it for the satisfaction we feel. When we eat, we do it for our satisfaction. When we rest in our easy chair, we do it for our satisfaction. Virtually everything we do is for the satisfaction of our bodies.

Genesis tells us that when a man and woman are joined in marriage, “the two become one flesh.” Her body is our body, her comfort is our comfort, her beauty is our beauty, her care is our care.[ii] But this love is more than physical – it is also emotional. It’s no secret that women and men are different emotional creatures – but a godly husband recognizes the differences, understands the differences and sees the amazing creativity of God in them.

Men, we are called to a divinely appointed love: to love our lives as our own bodies, to care for them as Christ does the church. We are to devote the same energy, time, and creativity to our wives as to ourselves. Do you want to give your wife the thing she wants most this Mother’s Day? Give her yourself, as a godly husband.
As we wrap things up, men, let me recommend a book in our library to you. Over on the top of one of the central shelves is a great book entitled “The Exemplary Husband,” by Stuart Scott.

21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor - since they're already "one" in marriage. 29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body. 31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.[iii]