Talk the Talk

Before we begin the message today, I have been given some disturbing news – I want you all to stay calm, but it has come to my attention that there are potentially deadly weapons here in room among us today. I’d like to tell you that we have officers on the way to oversee the removal of these lethal instruments – but it’s not going to be possible. You see, these weapons are attached – they are our tongues.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The power of life and death are in the tongue.” That’s not just true for an emperor, or governor who can condemn a person to death, or spare their lives, with their words. Each of us holds the power of life and death in our tongues. We can speak vitality into a person or suck the life right out of them with our statements.

In his book “The Weight of Your Words” author Joseph Stowell tells the following story:

"My junior high school had scheduled its annual operatic production. Talented students were quick to try out for the various parts. I was not so certain of my abilities and had decided that singing in an operetta wasn’t really for me.

Then Mrs. Wilson, my music teacher, asked me to try out. It was not a coveted role, but it did have three solos. I am certain that my audition was only mediocre. But Mrs. Wilson reacted as if she had just heard a choir of heavenly angels. “Oh, that was just beautiful. It was perfect. You are just right for the role. You will do it, won’t you?” I accepted.

When the time came for the next year’s operetta, most of the students who had played the leads the year before had graduated. And Mrs. Wilson had transferred to another school. In her place was a rather imposing figure who had an excellent singing voice and a sound knowledge of music theory.

As tryouts began, I was ready. I felt confident that my talent was just what the operetta needed. With approximately 150 of my peers assembled, I knew everything would go well.

But if I live for an eternity I will never forget the words spoken on that day. When my audition was completed, the teacher asked, “Who told you you could sing?”

The timid youth of a year earlier was suddenly reborn. I was totally destroyed. Harsh words are bad enough under any circumstances. To a young idealistic boy, they can be devastating. From the time those six words were stated, it took eight years and the coaxing of my fiancée before my voice was raised in song again.[i]

The words of that new teacher killed confidence, joy, and music in the soul of young Joe Stowell.

Let me tell you another story. There was once a wealthy tax man whom no one liked or cared for. He was known for cheating his clients and was not by any means a town favorite. Until one day, his world got turned upside down. He had heard that Jesus of Nazareth was coming to town, so he did his best to get a glimpse of this man that so many had talked about. Yet, because he was so short, he couldn’t see, and because he wanted to see so badly, he decided to climb a tree. He watched Jesus as he was walking through the crowds until he suddenly stopped. And all of a sudden, for some odd reason, Jesus locked eyes directly with the taxman. And then he spoke. He only spoke two sentences, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” But they were more than that. They were two sentences that washed away a lifetime of rejection and hate. By the time the second sentence finished, the tax collector’s new life had already begun.

An invite to a house can be life changing – words of acceptance can breath new life into a crushed spirit. But the opposite is true as well.

One particular family had dinner guests. When they sat down to eat the mother asked their 6-year-old daughter to pray. “I don’t know what to say,” the girl replied. The mother encouraged her, “Just pray what you’ve heard mommy pray.” The daughter bowed her head and said, “Good Lord! Why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

In the fourth chapter of Ephesians, Paul lays out for us some very practical teaching on what it means to live a life that is consistent with the name “Christian.” If we are going to go by that title, then we need to live that life. He begins with a challenge, in verse 17, “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do…” We are to live a life that is different from the life of the world around us. He then lays out a number of examples:

As we said last week, these directions from Paul sound so basic – who would argue with any of them? In looking over Paul’s list, we come today to verse 29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” So basic, yet so challenging.

Just as in each of the statements that Paul has made up to this point, there’s a three prong presentation: 1) an negative command, 2) a positive command and 3) the motive behind it.

The negative command is simply put: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths…” So what counts as “unwholesome?” What does that mean? Some of you might remember a few years back when we had a particularly cold winter, and thousands of fish died in lake Sinnissippi. Do you remember that? Tens of thousands of dead fish, mostly carp, floated to the surface, then ran down stream and ended up at the dam in Hustisford. It was a terrible stinky mess! The DNR was charged with getting the fish out of the water, and then local farmers came and got the dead rotting fish, put them in their manure spreaders and took them out and spread them all over the fields in the area.

Well, the original Greek word that Paul used for “unwholesome” was the word sapros (saprios), which means “rotten.” It was the word a person in the first century used to describe rotten fruit, or specifically fish that had sat out at the open-air market for too long. (There’s a pleasant image!) It came to mean, “rotten” or “worthless.” I can’t imagine anything more worthless than rotten fish that has sat out in the sun too long!

Can you imagine some of your own words that are “sparos?” Worthless, rotten words that tear down and destroy. This verse isn’t talking about cursing, necessarily – though swearing is a pretty worthless form of communication – it’s talking about any words that are rotten and destructive. Frances Foulkes, in his commentary says, “It is talk that is rotten, and that spreads rottenness like bad fruit, [from one to another], worthless, and leading others to think on the worthless.”[ii] Let’s be honest, most of us speak far too many worthless words in a day than we should.

The second command is the positive one. We are called upon to replace this rotten speech with “that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs…” The KJV says replace the rotten “with that which is good…” It is in stark contrast to “that which is rotten.” There’s nothing like a rotting fish – and if you were going to eat, you would want that rotten fish exchanged for one that was good – wholesome, fresh, and nourishing. Paul says that our words should be all of the above – good, wholesome and nourishing. Instead of tearing down, rotting and destroying each other, we are to be “building each other up according to their needs.” I think that it’s cool that Paul makes it clear that we are not to be just spewing platitudes to each other – “Good job, man!” “I love you, brother.” “You’re really keen!” We are to be building each other up specifically – according to their needs.

The only way we can fulfill this command is to know each other well enough to have some clue as to what those needs are! We need to be living in fellowship, love and community in such a way that we are aware of each other’s needs so that we are able to encourage, strengthen and support one another in an effective way. As a church we need to be actively pursuing each other – striving to connect each person with a small cluster of people who will get to know, love and support them. It is perhaps the greatest challenge we face as a church – it is certainly in the top three critical needs we have.

But as much as we need to pursue each other as a church, each of us must be pursuing that kind of fellowship individually as well. When someone calls me to complain that they have felt abandoned by the church, I have to ask them what they have done to connect with the church. In the same group of 150 people, there are people who have become deeply rooted in the body in just a few weeks, while others have distanced themselves and stayed remote for months or even years. The church has a responsibility to reach out to you, but you also have a responsibility to reach in, and connect, as well. We are commanded in Scripture to speak the truth in love. Let me lovingly tell you the truth – if you are sitting on the sidelines this morning pouting because you have not been feeling part of the community – you need to take a long look at your efforts to be involved just as much as you criticize others for not engaging you. Yes, the church will take its share of the responsibility, but you’ve got to recognize and bear your part as well.

Opportunities exist for you to immerse yourself in this community of believers – Small groups, men’s groups, women’s groups, teens and children’s activities, Bible studies, classes, even set-up and tear-down teams - but no one is going to force you to join in. You can choose to come and go on Sunday morning in a rush, but don’t confuse that with being part of the body of Christ. If you choose to remain outside, don’t complain about the cold. You can’t hope to “be built up according to your needs” if you won’t let anyone to get close enough to know what those needs are.

But far too many of us are negligent in our responsibility to build up others in the faith - content to have our tight little cloister of friends, not reaching out to visitors and new families as the come. It’s up to each of us to connect, and care about each other so that we can “build each other up according to their needs.”

Finally, Paul gives us our motivation. It is two-fold. First, it is to benefit those who listen. How much different would our words be if we took a moment before we spoke them and asked this question: “Is what I am about to say beneficial to the person I’m speaking to?” Can you imagine how much a difference that might make? Imagine the impact that kind of pondering would have on the words you say to your child…or your wife…or the guys on the bowling team…or the person at work! It is not enough to simply cut out the worthless – Paul wants us to replace those words with speech that has value – that is a benefit to the person who hears it! Can we make that a motivation for our speech? Can we decide, here and now, that we are going to make an effort to speak words that are beneficial to others? It’s a challenge, but a great one to take on!

The second motivation is that we would not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. This is a place where when we read these words, we should stop dead in our tracks. Read that again - “Grieve the Holy Spirit of God.” Meditate on that phrase for a moment.

That word, grieve, is the same word that Jesus used to describe how the disciples were going to feel after he died. It is not just some “sadness.” This is overwhelming heaviness, deep, deep sorrow. When we speak unwholesome talk, it grieves the Spirit of God! Whoa! My rotten, worthless destructive speech brings the kind of sadness to God that the death of a close friend brings? Precisely.

The way Paul wrote this is interesting – He did not write “the Holy Spirit” as a name for the third person of the trinity – literally, he wrote, “the Spirit of God, who is holy.”[iii] The holiness of God is what causes Him to be grieved when I sin – and if I can keep myself aware of that – it will revolutionize my life. There is no such thing as a “little white lie, a harmless temper tantrum, petty theft or a harmless harsh word.” When the HOLY Spirit of God lives within me, and seals me for the day of redemption, then every time I act counter to His holiness, I grieve Him…That is an overwhelming thought – and it should be more than enough motivation for us to check not only every word we utter, but every action we take.

That awareness is what gives us the motivation to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, and every form of malice.”

The teaching in this passage is so basic – it represents the way each of us knows we should live – telling the truth, keeping under control, being honest – we all know we should live like that – but it is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit of God within us.

If you have never invited Jesus to take control of your life, you have no hope of living a life that pleases God, and you have no hope of eternal life when this life is over. But when the Holy Spirit lives in you – when you’ve asked Jesus to forgive you, and given Him the control of your life – He comes and lives within you, and gives you the power to live a life that pleases Him.

If you’ve never given him that place in your life, do so today – there will be people here in the front who will pray with you after the service.

May God give us the awareness of His presence in such a way that we will be able to lay down the deadly weapons that we carry within our mouths – and speak only that which will encourage, build up and benefit those around us.

[i] Stowell, Joseph M, The Weight of your Words: Measuring the Impact of What You Say. Moody Publishers, Chicago © Joseph Stowell, 1998

[ii] Foulkes, Francis, Ephesians. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries. Eerdmans Publishing Co. Grand Rapids, MI. ©Francis Foulkes, 1989. Pg 143.

[iii] Ibid, pg 144.