Christmas 2001 - The Christmas Touch

Touch Your Family

Matthew 1:18-25

Well, we are now within seven days of Christmas week. By next Sunday many of us will have traveled over the river and through the woods to grandma’s house, and the culmination of the weeks of preparation and anticipation will be upon us.

It’s been a little tough this year hasn’t it? With the record high temperatures, bright sunny skies, and fact that we have had no measurable snowfall, coupled with the longer than usual gap between Thanksgiving and Christmas have all led to a bit of Christmas blahs for a lot of people. It was weird to pick out a tree in short sleeves, to sing Christmas carols with windows open, and to shop without sloshing through slush and snow – was there a point to this? Oh, yes – it’s been tough getting into the season. I suppose people who live in Arizona or Southern California like it this way, but for we hearty folks from Wisconsin, we want snow for the holiday! Right?!

As tough as it has been this year to get into the season for external reasons for most of us, there are some of us who struggle with the season every year. While the Norman Rockwell-esque Budweiser commercials on the TV show blissful family settings, and warm fires surrounded by even warmer faces, for some Christmas is a time of sad, even painful memories. Family reunions are not anticipated, they are dreaded. Memories that are conjured are not of “olden days, happy golden days of yore,” but of abuse, rejection loneliness.

Author Robert Morgan tells the story about a boy named Lindsay. Because of a dysfunctional family Christmas was never an easy time. His father was distant and severe. Around the holidays he was seldom home, and Lindsay was forced to work even harder around the family farm than usual. His dad gave him extra chores and beat him if he didn’t perform up to his father’s expectations. Even worse than the physical pain was the verbal abuse – put downs and insults flowed from father toward son. For some reason, it was always worse at Christmas time. Even when he grew up, the memories of Decembers back home were especially difficult. One of Lindsay’s friends said, “He was never able to find happiness. He became a hard-drinking hell-raiser who went from woman to woman and couldn’t find peace, success or love.”

Finally, one December night, at age 51, he angrily watched White Christmas for one last time, and then shot himself in the head. “I hated Christmas because of pop,” he once said, “if I ever do myself in, it will be at Christmas time, that will show the whole world what I think of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas.”

Lindsay was Bing Crosby’s son.

I’m sure that there were people who looked at the Crosby family and never guessed what was going on. Those who did probably thought, “Well, Bing is a busy guy, especially around Christmas with all those TV specials and Las Vegas appearances…” And they were probably right. But the business of life and the success of a career are no excuse for the abuse or neglect of a family.

In Matthew chapter 1 we are given a peek inside the life of a busy man who had not signed up for a role in the Christmas story. He was a struggling businessman who wanted to do well for himself and the family he was about to begin. Of all the people in the Christmas story, Joseph must have had the roughest time of all. Think about it. The wise men saw a star, contemplated it, and decided to follow it. The innkeeper was presented with a need, and responded the best he could. Mary, Zechariah, and the Shepherds all got angelic visits to explain what was going on.

But not poor Joseph. Here he is, planning a wedding, running his little carpentry business, probably making some furniture for his new bride, and then we read, “Before they came together, she was found with child…” “FOUND WITH CHILD?!” That’s a nice way of saying “he discovered she was pregnant and was pretty upset because the explanation Mary gave was unbelievable!” Can’t you just imagine what that conversation must have been like? “Come on, Mary. How gullible to you think I am? You’ve been talking to angels, and your going to have a baby, but there’s no other man in your life. Do you really expect me to believe this? Don’t play games with me. I’ve never seen an angel. There’s no way the father of you baby is God – how could you conceive such a story? It’s bad enough that you’re pregnant with someone else’s baby, but don’t expect me to believe such a tale!”

In fact, Joseph didn’t believe her. And who can blame him? None of us would have believed it either! But in spite of his doubt and his emotional distress, Joseph was a man of compassion. The Bible tells us that he was a “righteous” man. He was a person whose life was shaped by God’s touch. Notice the God-like love he shows this woman who he is convinced has betrayed him – he decided to quietly divorce her. Now he could have dragged her into the town square, like some men did 30 years later with a woman who was caught in unfaithfulness, and he could have had her stoned to death. Jewish law allowed it. In fact, some would have expected it, because otherwise, it appears that he was the father of the baby, and therefore guilty of premarital relations with Mary!

But Jewish law also allowed Joseph to break off the engagement and divorce his fiancée, and he chose to do that. He didn’t believe Mary, but he loved her too much to disgrace her publicly. That’s what he’d do. After all, he had a reputation to keep up, and a business to run, and if this wasn’t going to work, he’d just bury himself in his work. He was a “righteous man,” as we have said, and he wasn’t going to do anything to tarnish that reputation. He would divorce her, and her life would be spared, and his career and reputation would be intact.

But then God stepped in. You know, in my mind, it would have been easier if God had just told Joseph at the same time He told Mary – but you know what – God does not work in each of our lives the same way. He knows just what we need. Maybe Joseph needed to be brought to a place of brokenness. Maybe Mary needed to have her resolve tested. We don’t know – but we do know that God deals with each of us, and all things work according to His time plan. We don’t always understand it, and sometimes we never do – but we trust that God is in control.

Joseph realized that it wasn’t Mary who had conceived of some wild excuse to cover her condition – it was God who had conceived within her a child who would be the Savior of the World. And he did the right thing.

You know, sometimes we envision these Bible characters as figurines, with halos in place, acting in supernatural ways, speaking with godly voices. But these are just common folks. Mary was just a teenager. The shepherds were dirty, working stiffs, and Joseph was no spiritual giant. He represents every person who wants to work hard, provide for a family, do the right thing, and protect his integrity. He had rough hands, but a soft heart. The layer of sawdust that sometimes covered his body could not blanket his heart for God. Righteous? Yes. Perfect, No. Only the child his soon to be wife was carrying would have that title – perfect. The rest of us are human, and all to imperfect.

In Joseph’s case, his desire to protect his own reputation and his honor almost led him to make a terrible mistake. Just like Bing Crosby’s messed up priorities caused him to neglect and abuse his family.

The example of Joseph challenges us not to look out for our own interests only, but also to the interest of those who we call family. It is far too easy for us to see the mistakes, the hurts and the evidence and build a case that would excuse our anger or bitterness toward a family member – some people around us might expect it or even encourage it. My challenge this week is to seek God’s council in this very difficult area. Is there some way that the chasm between you and some family member could be bridged this season? Is there some part of the story that perhaps isn’t fully known or understood? Is it possible that God wants us to be the one who makes the first move?

A couple of weeks ago, I encouraged us to open our hearts and homes to our neighbors, and invite them in for a few precious moments out of the frenzy of the holiday season. Last week, we were challenged to reach out and be God’s touch to the untouchable, the lonely the forgotten. For some of you, this week’s challenge may be the most difficult of all – to reach out and touch your own family. To ask God to work in a miraculous way to put love in your heart for someone who has hurt you, to reach out to that person with His arms, to speak to them with His words. For some that is a monumental task, requiring a supernatural work of God, for others, it requires just a gentle reminder from the Spirit to put our families first. For all of us, it can transform a warm, snow-less Christmas into one of the most important of our lives.

“Father, for some this message has been a foreign language. They know nothing of the hurt and pain of neglect or abuse. They can’t imagine the kind of turmoil that others experience every day. In those hearts, kindle a grateful and embracing spirit. Help us to never take for granted the love of family, and keep us from putting any other thing ahead of those we love. For others, this message has been all too familiar. They bear the fresh wounds and the hidden scars of emotional and physical abuse or neglect. Heavenly Father, in these moments, do a healing work. Bring the miracle of Christ’s touch into the dark corners of their minds and bodies, and release them from the hate, the anger and the guilt they know all too well. Father touch them, and then allow them to be Your touch of grace. We pray these things in the powerful name of our Lord and Savior, whose birth we celebrate, AMEN.