Proverbs 20:7
This weekend some 25,000 men gathered in Chicago for a Promise Keepers Rally. It has been 9 years since PK began its ministry to call men to live in accordance with Biblical principles. Back in 1992, there were just a few hundred, then the crowds grew to thousands, then hundreds of thousands, reaching a climactic point in 1996, when over two million men gathered at PK stadium events, and 1997 when one million men gathered in Washington, DC to pray for the men of America. Since ’97, PK has fallen on hard times. Financial difficulties resulted in the cutting of almost all their paid staff. Stadium events, which once gathered 65,000 or more in Chicago, now gather about 1/3 that number. A couple of months ago, newspapers around the country published articles about the “disappearance of Promise Keepers.”
But even more disturbing than the disappearance of the organization Promise Keepers, is the disappearance of people who are promise keepers – and not just men, but men, women, boys and girls who speak the truth, whose word can be trusted, and who do what they say they will do. In fact, it is getting more and more difficult all the time to find anyone who will tell the truth, and who can be trusted to keep their word.
In a book called The Day America Told The Truth, extensive surveying of men, women and children revealed the following:
Ø only 13 percent of Americans believe that the 10 Commandments apply to us today.
Ø 91% of Americans lie regularly at home or at work. 86% said they lied to their parents, 75% to their friends
Ø The majority of workers claim to “goof off” an average of 7 hours a week, almost one entire work day.
Ø A question was posed, “What would you be willing to do for a million dollars, and 25% said they would leave their family, 23% said they would become a prostititue for a week, 7% said they would be willing to kill a stranger for a million dollars.” That means that, on average, in this room of 100 people, 7 people would be willing to kill for a million dollars.
And the numbers are no better for those who attend church:
Ø 37% of church attenders admit to stealing work supplies
Ø 13% admit using company phones for personal long distance calls
Ø the number of people from church backgrounds are almost identical for things like:
o lying on taxes
o plagiarism
o illegal use of computer programs
o exaggerating
o telling people what they think they want to hear
o breaking the law
The fact of the matter is this – rather than promise keepers, we are, as human beings, more prone to being promise breakers. Lying, dishonesty and deceit have become such a part of our lives that for many of us, we don’t even recognize it any longer. We rationalize our actions – “Everyone does it,” “I deserve it,” “It’s not hurting anyone,” “No one will ever know anyway.”
As we discuss the foundations for a strong family, keeping our promises - being people of integrity – is a foundation block that needs to be firmly in place. In fact, the book of Proverbs, chapter 20, verse 7 tells us that, “The righteous man walks in his integrity, his children are blessed after him.” When a person’s life is characterized by integrity - telling the truth, keeping promises, living honestly – their entire family receives the benefit. The blessings fall even to the next generation.
1. Promises between Husbands and Wives
The first place where promises need to be kept are between husbands and wives, and the first promises that must be kept are the promises made on their wedding day. If you were able to catch the action on Good Morning America this week, you watched as a couple went through the preparation for a wedding ceremony that took place on Friday morning in the middle of traffic on Time Square. I did not see any of the stuff through the week, but when Carol mentioned that a wedding was going to take place, I did hang around the house on Friday morning to watch. It was short, but well done. The classic vows were spoken:
I, take you,
To be my lawfully wedded spouse,
I promise to love and honor you,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
In joy and in sorrow,
To love and to cherish,
And to be faithful to you alone,
As long as we both shall live.
Think about the extent of the promises that are made in that solemn vow. “I promise to love, I promise to honor, I promise to cherish, I promise to be faithful – no matter what circumstance may arise – for the rest of my life.”
Think of how different our culture would be if those promises were kept by every person who speaks them. Imagine the heartbreak that would be avoided if every couple were challenged to seriously consider the gravity of those words, and was expected to actually keep them! But we are instead faced with a culture that embraces self-worship, and if I am not being satisfied, or fulfilled, or am simply not happy, I have the right to break any promise I have made and seek something better.
I want to play for you two popular songs now. Listen to them both carefully. You might recognize them.
Two songs by Kenny Logins
In the first song, Kenny Logins sings about the excitement he has as he and his wife begin their life together:
People smile and tell me I'm
the lucky one, and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and
me, as free as a dove, conceived in love,
Sun is gonna shine above.
Chorus:
And even though we ain't got
money, I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a
chain of love.
And in the morning when I
rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is
gonna be alright
In the second song, we find that same singer explaining to his daughter why he has left her mom:
Amanda, I know what you're
thinking,
You and I have much to say,
And you've been making me crazy,
Trying to understand
But it's impossible at your
age.
I know I said I'll always
try,
But you're going to bed
alone again tonight,
And you lie there in the
dark and wonder why.
I did it for you, and the
boys,
Because love should teach
you joy,
And not the imitation,
That your momma and daddy
tried to show you.
I did it for you, and for
me,
And because I still believe,
There's only one thing,
You can never give up,
Never compromise on,
And that's the real thing
you need in love.
You're so afraid your life
is over,
And nothing I can say can
change your mind.
How can anybody be so
selfish,
And treat you all so cruel,
Go on and scream at me and
cry.
I'll always hold you in my
soul,
And I'm never going to leave
you all alone
But your daddy doesn't live
here anymore.
Everybody's got a boat upon
the ocean,
Not everybody's sailing out
to sea,
And is there someone there
for me?
I'm ready to believe.
Yeah, right, “he did for her and the boys.” He has fallen for the rationalization that sometimes our kids are better off if we break our promises. But that is just to make HIM feel better. No, he did it for himself – he took vows, he made promises, to both his wife and his children, and he broke them, and now he wants her to understand and believe him when he says “I’m never going to leave you all alone, but your daddy doesn’t live here anymore.”
When these most basic of promises in the home are not kept, are not taken seriously, then it is almost impossible for us to have any other type of integrity. When our children see us behaving selfishly, grabbing up whatever most serves and pleases us, then they learn to do the same. And when they see us breaking our promises, and lying, they are going to do the same.
2. Promises from Parent to Child
While keeping our promises between husbands and wives is very important, it is also critical that we keep our promises from parent to child. When our children experience a lack of integrity with us, it shapes so much of their world. They learn quickly that words mean nothing – and you can’t trust anyone.
When our children see us being untruthful, and dishonest, we set the stage for them to follow in our footsteps. They see us bringing home stuff from work that we haven’t paid for, and they learn. They hear us make promises and break them, and they experience the disappointment – for a while. Then they realize that promises are only valid when convenient.
Can you see why Proverbs 20:7 is true? “A righteous person walks in integrity, and his children are blessed after him.” While this proverb is obviously true, it is also true that “when a dishonest person walks in his lies, his children are destined to follow him.” We not only deny ourselves the benefits of living a life of integrity, but by our deception, we often times destine our children to follow in our steps.
3. Promises from Child to Parents
But don’t think, young people, that you can use the excuse of your parents as a license to be a liar. While it’s true that you would benefit greatly from the example of an honest parent, each individual is responsible before God to walk in integrity. Perhaps you have not had the best of examples. The challenge may be greater for you, but you must make the choice yourself to walk honestly. Remember the pain that broken promises has caused you, and determine within yourself that you will not pass that legacy of pain on to others.
Instead, begin now to build within yourself the discipline and habits of honesty that will break the cycle of broken promises. William James, in his book Principles of Psychology, wrote:
Could the young but realize how soon they will become mere walking bundles of habits, they would give more heed to their conduct while in the [developmental] state. We are spinning our own fates, good or evil, and never to be undone. Every smallest stoke of virtue or vice leaves its ever so little scar. Down among his nerve cells the molecules are counting it, registering and storing it up to be used against him when the next temptation comes. Nothing we ever do is, in scientific literalness, wiped out. Of course this has its good side as well as its bad one.[1]
Mr. James is, of course, speaking from a Psychological and Medical point of view. The Bible teaches that we can indeed be freed from the habits of the past, through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. But His point is well taken. Even as a believer, the habits that we cultivate cause us to struggle as Christians. While God forgives, and indeed promises to “remember our sins no more,” we tent to remember them, and often return to them. It is important, young people, that you begin now to learn the disciplines of integrity, along with your parents.
We need to be careful that our homes are places of integrity and truth. But how? What can we do to make all this obvious truth practical? Here are a few steps that will at least give us a starting point:
Let’s pray.
[1] William James, Principles of Psychology (Chicago, London, Toronto: Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc., 1952), pg. 83. Sighted in Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1991), pg 128.